The 2019 Schedule: One Sentence Predictions


As I’ve done since 2010 — my only perfect year (I wonder why…) — I will keep this short and sweet and predict all of Auburn’s 2019 games with one sentence each. I know that’s too much for some of you, but you think you can get through 12 whole sentences? Let’s try…

– In 2010, I predicted that Auburn would go 11-0 in the regular season with a toss-up against Alabama. Auburn went 12-0 in the regular season.

– In 2011, I predicted that Auburn would go 9-2 in the regular season with a toss-up against Alabama. Auburn went 7-5 in the regular season.

– In 2012, I vowed to never pick another Auburn loss because of the results of 2010. I did just that and Auburn won 3 games. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

– In 2013, I went less homer, but maybe full homer, and picked a 9-2 regular season with a toss-up against Alabama, and the Tigers went 11-1.

– In 2014, I picked Auburn to go 11-0 in the regular season with a toss-up against Alabama. Auburn went 7-4 in the regular season. Maybe I should stop picking undefeated seasons.

– In 2015, I bought into the hype that never came to fruition. What are you gonna do? Everybody believed, then 3 little things (Duke, Jeremy, Carl) happened, and the season wasn’t what we wanted.

– In 2016, I went with mathematical logic, and it got me closer to 100% than most people. Four losses wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t great. The middle of the season kept me alive, though.

– In 2017, I missed three games. Auburn lost three games. Are you starting to get it?

– In 2018, I missed a few games, but I also only missed one game by one point, one game by a safety, and one game by a field goal.

Now let’s see how 2019 will go…

Aug. 31 – Oregon (Arlington) – The Ducks show up in uniforms lined with fluorescent light bulbs and immediately go into a shell when they remember what SEC defense looks like, as Bo Nix says “hey America.’
Worry level: 7. Score: Auburn 34, Oregon 16

Sept. 7 – Tulane – Auburn moves the series record one game closer in their favor with five 1st half touchdowns.
Worry level: 2. Score: Auburn 45, Tulane 10

Sept. 14 – Kent State – Nick Saban denounces his alma mater after the Golden Flashes fail to score on Auburn’s 1st, 2nd, and 3rd defenses.
Worry level: 2. Score: Auburn 38, Kent State 0

Sept. 21 – at Texas A&M – The Tigers go to College Station, wonder what all the hype is about, score often, steal the soul of Jimbo’s offense, and remind the world that they’ve never lost there.
Worry level: 8. Score: Auburn 31, Texas A&M 20

Sept. 28 – Mississippi State – Auburn feasts on the Maroons to avenge a stupid, 14-point-swing-due-to-terrible-goal-line-calls loss last year, while Bo Nix beats them like his daddy did (combined 98-30 in 2 games).
Worry level: 5. Score: Auburn 48, Mississippi State 17

Oct. 5 – at Florida– The 5-0 Gators, all high and excited, won’t understand why they all of a sudden have to play a team that’s good when the score is 21-0 at halftime.
Worry level: 7. Score: Auburn 34, Florida 23

Oct. 19 – at Arkansas – A game that has been scary in the past doesn’t have the same feel when one team is Top 5 and the other team already has 5 losses.
Worry level: 4. Score: Auburn 45, Arkansas 17

Oct. 26 – at LSU The Purple Tigers finally get what’s coming as Boobee Whitlow scores on 4th-and-1 with under a minute to play.
Worry level: 8. Score: Auburn 24, LSU 23

Nov. 2 – Ole Miss – Auburn puts the Rebels where they belong with a dominating performance by Seth Williams (3 TD, 245 yards).
Worry level: 5. Score: Auburn 41, Ole Miss 19

Nov. 16 – Georgia – It’s 2017 all over again, but this time it’s Bo and Boobee blowing out the #DWAGS.
Worry level: 8. Score: Auburn 38, Georgia 13

Nov. 23 – Samford – No Pat Sullivan means no more niceness.
Worry level: 1. Score: Auburn 56, Samford 3

Nov. 30 – Alabama – The Tigers hold a 10-point lead at the half, before a failed comeback, led by backup QB Mac Jones, is thwarted by a missed Tide field goal.
Worry level: 10. Score: Auburn 23, Alabama 20

Now give me your predictions and/or tell me how smart I am in the comments section below.