The 2018 Schedule: One Sentence Predictions


As I’ve done since 2010 — my only perfect year (hmmmm…) — I will keep this short and sweet and predict all of Auburn’s 2018 games with one sentence each. I know that’s too much for some of you, but you think you can get through 12 whole sentences? Let’s try…

– In 2010, I predicted that Auburn would go 11-0 in the regular season with a toss-up against Alabama. Auburn went 12-0 in the regular season.

– In 2011, I predicted that Auburn would go 9-2 in the regular season with a toss-up against Alabama. Auburn went 7-5 in the regular season.

– In 2012, I vowed to never pick another Auburn loss because of the results of 2010. I did just that and Auburn won 3 games. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

– In 2013, I went less homer, but maybe full homer, and picked a 9-2 regular season with a toss-up against Alabama, and the Tigers went 11-1.

– In 2014, I picked Auburn to go 11-0 in the regular season with a toss-up against Alabama. Auburn went 7-4 in the regular season. Maybe I should stop picking undefeated seasons.

– In 2015, I bought into the hype that never came to fruition. What are you gonna do? Everybody believed, then 3 little things (Duke, Jeremy, Carl) happened, and the season wasn’t what we wanted.

– In 2016, I went with mathematical logic, and it got me closer to 100% than most people. Four losses wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t great. The middle of the season kept me alive, though.

– In 2017, I missed three games. Auburn lost three games. Are you starting to get it?

Now let’s see (quickly) how 2018 will go…

Sept. 1 – Washington (Atlanta) – The curse of Mercedes-Benz Stadium is quickly squashed as Jarrett Stidham, behind 3 passing touchdowns, shows Jake Browning that Pac-12 hype means nothing.
Worry level: 7. Score: Auburn 34, Washington 17

Sept. 8 – Alabama State – Auburn doesn’t realize their opponent has “State” in their name until halftime, but by then they’ve already put 45 on the Hornets.
Worry level: 1. Score: Auburn 63, Alabama State 7

Sept. 15 – LSU – The good ol’ days of early-season wars between Auburn and LSU seems like a distant memory as Gus makes Coach O and the h8rz forget all about last year’s snafu.
Worry level: 5. Score: Auburn 38, LSU 14

Sept. 22 – Arkansas – The Hawgs new coach actually likes Gus Malzahn, but by the time this one’s over, he may change his mind.
Worry level: 4. Score: Auburn 45, Arkansas 17

Sept. 29 – Southern Miss – BRET FAVRE AIN’T WALKIN’ THROUGH THAT DOOR!
Worry level: 3. Score: Auburn 31, Southern Miss 10

Oct. 6 – at Mississippi State – Cowbells make it scary, but the team that Auburn has beaten 87-24 over the last two seasons still exists.
Worry level: 6. Score: Auburn 34, Mississippi State 20

Oct. 13 – Tennessee – The Vols will continue their downward slide as they allow Kam Martin to run for 200+ yards against their tired 4th quarter defense.
Worry level: 4. Score: Auburn 42, Tennessee 10

Oct. 20 – at Ole Miss The people that can’t remember that Ole Miss’s coach is named Matt Luke will remember him as the guy who gave up 700 total yards of offense to Gus Malzahn in 2018, including 2 rushing touchdowns by Jarrett Stidham.
Worry level: 5. Score: Auburn 49, Ole Miss 14

Nov. 3 – Texas A&M – The Aggies that don’t know how to lose in Jordan-Hare Stadium will finally find the way in a scary, but very fun win for the Tigers, led by Javaris Davis’s 2 picks (1 taken to the house).
Worry level: 7. Score: Auburn 28, Texas A&M 21

Nov. 10 – at Georgia – Georgia finally plays a tough opponent and the lack of experienced firepower finally has a chance to show, but it’s all about winning over there.
Worry level: 9. Score: Auburn 31, Georgia 21

Nov. 17 – Liberty – I am not at Liberty to say how bad this one will be.
Worry level: 1. Score: Auburn 52, Liberty 0

Nov. 24 – at Alabama The ongoing quarterback battle will finally come to a head in the Iron Bowl, giving Nick Saban another loss to an Auburn team with 9 or more wins.
Worry level: 10. Score: N/A

Yep, undefeated. Yep, with the toughest schedule in football. Auburn should be better than the team that beat Georgia and Alabama last year. All those other ones? Easy. I kinda feel bad. It’s like we have an Alabama or Georgia schedule until we get to Amen Corner.

Now give me your predictions and/or tell me how smart I am in the comments section below.