The 2015 Schedule: One Sentence Predictions


The 2015 Auburn football season begins one week from today, so I think I’m ready to predict how things will go. For the fifth straight season I’ll make it quick and tell you what will happen by only using one sentence per game.

Jeremy Johnson– In 2010, I predicted that Auburn would go 11-0 in the regular season with a toss-up against Alabama. Auburn went 12-0 in the regular season.

– In 2011, I predicted that Auburn would go 9-2 in the regular season with a toss-up against Alabama. Auburn went 7-5 in the regular season.

– In 2012, I vowed to never pick another Auburn loss because of the results of 2010. I did just that and Auburn won 3 games. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

– In 2013, I went less homer, but maybe full homer, and picked a 9-2 regular season with a toss-up against Alabama, and the Tigers went 11-1.

– In 2014, I picked Auburn to go 11-0 in the regular season with a toss-up against Alabama. Auburn went 7-4 in the regular season. Maybe I should stop picking undefeated seasons.

NOPE.

Sept. 5 – Louisville – Any semblance of a Petrino-lover in the Auburn fanbase will be gone by the end of the 3rd quarter as Auburn opens it up and answers any questions about the defense early.
Worry level: 7. Score: Auburn 45, Louisville 20.

Sept. 12 – Jacksonville State – The new video board will be the most exciting part of this early and very hot matchup.
Worry level: 1. Score: Auburn 51, Jacksonville State 10.

Sept. 19 – at LSU – Auburn will take Baton Rouge for the first time since 1999 as the Les Miles farewell tour gets into full gear.
Worry level: 6. Score: Auburn 31, LSU 14.

Sept. 26 – Mississippi State – Dak Prescott will wish he had left after last season when Auburn scores three defensive touchdowns in the biggest revenge game of the season.
Worry level: 4. Score: Auburn 38, Mississippi State 21.

Oct. 3 – San Jose State – Al Borges returns to Jordan-Hare, and yeah, that’s all.
Worry level: 2. Score: Auburn 52, San Jose State 13.

Oct. 15 – at Kentucky – The Thursday night thing will account for an early Kentucky touchdown, but Jeremy Johnson is better than every Wildcat, and he’ll lead the Tigers to a huge, huge road win.
Worry level: 4. Score: Auburn 42, Kentucky 17.

Oct. 24 – at Arkansas – The scariest road game on Auburn’s schedule will be scary for two-and-a-half quarters, but Auburn’s talent will outlast Arkansas’s heft.
Worry level: 9. Score: Auburn 38, Arkanas 24.

Oct. 31 – Ole Miss Jeremy Johnson runs the true HUNH to perfection and accounts for five touchdowns as Hugh Freeze continues to want to be like Gus.
Worry level: 6. Score: Auburn 41, Ole Miss 21.

Nov. 7 – at Texas A&M – A renovated stadium doesn’t change the fact that Auburn deserves to beat Texas A&M on their home turf in an extremely hurtful way, like last second touchdown way.
Worry level: 8. Score: Auburn 35, Texas A&M 34.

Nov. 14 – Georgia – Most likely the best team Auburn will play in the regular season, but the Tigers will give the Dawgs a slightly inexplicable beatdown for once.
Worry level: 9. Score: Auburn 35, Georgia 10

Nov. 21 – Idaho – The 2nd Petrino on Auburn’s schedule will ignore Bobby’s help since he obviously has no clue how to beat Auburn, and will instead lose by twice as much.
Worry level: 1. Score: Auburn 45, Idaho 3.

Nov. 28 – AlabamaThe Kick Six plays continuously on Auburn’s video board as Auburn scores at least 44, but does not give up 55.
Worry level: 10. Score: N/A.

So yeah, I’m picking an undefeated regular season for Auburn. Is it homer? Does it matter? Tell me a game Auburn can’t win. You can’t.

Now give you me your predictions and/or tell me how smart I am in the comments section.