The 2014 Schedule: One Sentence Predictions

Auburn Football returns in 8 days, so it’s about that time for your favorite post of the year. It’s time for those quick-witted one sentence predictions that have shown so true since 2010.

Nick+Marshall+Georgia+v+Auburn+xcdeAiLUjz8l– In 2010, I predicted that Auburn would go 11-0 in the regular season with a toss-up against Alabama. Auburn went 12-0 in the regular season.

– In 2011, I predicted that Auburn would go 9-2 in the regular season with a toss-up against Alabama. Auburn went 7-5 in the regular season.

– In 2012, I vowed to never pick another Auburn loss because of the results of 2010. I did just that and Auburn won 3 games. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

– In 2013, I went less homer, but maybe full homer, and picked a 9-2 regular season with a toss-up against Alabama, and the Tigers went 11-1. Who’s homer now?

This year, you may think I’m going homer, but thanks to Gus Malzahn, it all makes sense.

Aug. 30 – ArkansasThe peskiness of the Razorbacks will be a factor for a quarter, but first game jitters will wear off by the time Nick Marshall’s short suspension is over.
Worry level: 5. Score: Auburn 38, Arkansas 14.

Sept. 6 – San Jose StateAuburn will lead by 31 at the half, which will give Jeremy Johnson major playing time and an opportunity to begin the 2015 Heisman campaign.
Worry level: 2. Score: Auburn 51, San Jose State 13.

Sept. 18 – at Kansas State The hyped-up, Thursday-night crowd will give the Wildcats an early 14-point lead, but a slow steady comeback will turn into a 14 point victory for Auburn.
Worry level: 7. Score: Auburn 34, Kansas State 20.

Sept. 27 – Louisiana Tech – A hot homecoming crowd will be treated to a nice 2nd half of backups boisterously beating some bulldogs.
Worry level: 2. Score: Auburn 42, Louisiana Tech 7.

Oct. 4 – LSU The most sure SEC win of Gus Malzahn’s Auburn career will be a fun and long overdue beatdown of the Tigers from Red Stick.
Worry level: 6. Score: Auburn 38, LSU 14.

Oct. 11 – at Mississippi State The biggest game in Mississippi State history will give the home crowd a little excitement for a quarter, but have them sent off to pasture as the Bulldogs SEC West title hopes and Dak Prescott’s Heisman chances are… sorry I couldn’t even finish.
Worry level: 4. Score: Auburn 34, Mississippi State 17.

Oct. 25 – South CarolinaA tough game in Jordan-Hare will be preceded with a bye week, giving the Tigers the rest they’ll need to down the Gamecocks for the 8th straight time since 1933.
Worry level: 8. Score: Auburn 31, South Carolina 24.

Nov. 1 – at Ole Miss The battle of the HUNH offenses will prove again that Ole Miss is not Auburn and Hugh Freeze is not Gus Malzahn.
Worry level: 5. Score: Auburn 41, Ole Miss 21.

Nov. 8 – Texas A&M – The departure of Johnny Manziel coupled with pre-existing bad defense will put this new rivalry where it should have been all along.
Worry level: 4. Score: Auburn 38, Texas A&M 14.

Nov. 15 – at Georgia – Auburn’s return to Athens will the best since 2005, as the Bulldogs will be on their 3rd string everything due to injuries and arrests.
Worry level: 7. Score: Auburn 35, Georgia 20

Nov. 22 – Samford – Pat Sullivan and Kodi Burns, on the Samford sideline, will gladly accept a nice and respectful beating from their Tigers.
Worry level: 2. Score: Auburn 45, Samford 3.

Nov. 29 – at AlabamaAlabama fans will be expecting revenge from a game their team would’ve lost whether Chris Davis returned the Kick 6 to the house or not.
Worry level: 10. Score: N/A.

So yeah, as I said on this year’s “That’s a Dubya” episode of the Auburn football podcast, I’m picking an undefeated regular season for Auburn. Why? Because there isn’t a single game on Auburn’s schedule that they couldn’t win. That’s not homer. That’s logic. And I thank Gus Malzahn for making it logic.

Now give you me your predictions and/or tell me how smart I am in the comments section. 8 days.