What Really Happened


Thanks to cousin Kris for the latest account in what he said she said what somebody’s daddy said in regards to Tony Franklin’s firing. Before you skip over this post thinking it’s going to be a carbon copy of those emails that have been circulating, take a gander at this story from someone with reliable sources.

My sister’s mother’s son is a really smart person, and this is what he says happened with Franklin.

Franklin woke up Tuesday morning and decided that he was tired of faking like he was a nice guy and it was about time to unleash the real Tony Franklin. He got out of bed, kicked his dog a few times, and urinated without flushing or putting the seat back down. He then turned the shower on and let it run for thirty minutes while he read the paper and ate Little Debbies. When he was done with the paper, he threw it in the trash and threw the Little Debbie wrappers in the paper recycling bin. He then used a towel to wipe away any deodorant from the previous day and left the towel on the floor for his wife to pick up.

As Franklin exited the bathroom, he glanced towards the running shower and turned all the bathroom lights on. Next, he walked through his kitchen and smacked his wife on the fanny, who was cooking bacon at the time. He threw the bacon against the wall, but he made sure he got some bacon grease on his hands and he rubbed it in his hair.

Franklin then walked into his garage, removed the muffler from his car, and drove to work. He drove 80 miles per hour in a 45 mph zone, swerving towards women and children. Arriving at the athletic complex, he parked his car and violently opened his door, putting a huge dent in Hugh Nall’s truck. He didn’t leave a note.

Walking into the athletic complex, Franklin swatted a cup of coffee out of a trainer’s hands and stormed into the players’ meeting, which had already started. Upon busting into the room, Franklin ripped off his shirt, started screaming “WILD BOYS!!!”, and challenged the players and other coaches to oil wrestle him. Coach Knox began to remove his pants, but the other coaches were able to restrain him.

On Wednesday, upon hearing of the previous day’s events, Tuberville called Franklin into his office and said, “the only person who will be oil wrestling my coaches and players is me. Now, pack up your crap and get out of here”.

And that, my friends, is what really happened, according to my sister’s mother’s son, who is a really smart person.

Can we all just have some common sense please and stop living like a bunch of conspiracy theorists? We’re beginning to sound like a bunch of Bammers.