Stranger Things: LSU at Auburn
In terms of rivalry, it doesn’t get much stranger than Auburn-LSU. You know the stories. Earthquakes, fires, phantom whistles, and interception-laden 4th quarters are just a small part of this semi-non-traditional rivalry. The two teams have only played 50 times total, which is less than the amount of times Auburn has played Georgia, Georgia Tech, Mississippi State, Alabama, Florida, and Tennessee, and just one more time than Clemson.
I’ll be honest, LSU and this rivalry are so strange that it’s hard to pinpoint what exactly is weird. You’ve heard the biggest stories, and you’ve made fun of LSU fans about them for a long time, but let’s just go with it.
1. LSU fans smell like corndogs.
I know, I know. This is so old. But I feel like we have lost the true meaning behind this completely true narrative. In fact, we’ve gotten so lazy that we just call LSU fans corndogs now. They aren’t corndogs. They smell like them. Being a corndog isn’t offensive because corndogs are awesome. But if you just smell like one, I can’t have anything to do with you on a football Saturday.
You’ve probably read all of the posts since internet sports blogging became popular over the last few years, but here’s my take on why LSU fans smell like corndogs.
You can not go to the white sandy beaches of Orange Beach or Gulf Shores these days without your condo being overrun with LSU fans. Most of them are the overly cajun dad, the dark haired mom wearing the bikini she probably wore when was 18, and their two rambunctious pre-teen sons that just won’t float in the lazy river. About 4pm every day you see them head up to the room, and about an hour later, they have taken over the grills.
Then they proceed to grill and deep-fry anything that is within their reach. They love to cook. The sweat and cook and drink and cook and soak in the smell of everything being cooked. And what they cook smells like corndogs. It’s just science.
If you go to the campus of LSU for a tailgate, it’s hard to walk two steps without getting that old county fair smell into your nostrils. Once you get closer to the stadium, they’ll even invite you over. But don’t stay too long or that glorious smell will stick in your pores.
So that’s it, they cook a lot. They cook fried things with batter. Corndogs and their batter have a distinct smell. And while it is not a negative reason for smelling like corndogs, it is the reason. I’m sorry, you can either bathe or live with it.
2. The rivalry is just weird, man.
I’ve posted these two YouTube playlists in the past. They try to bring in all the worst times and all the good times, but they are definitely all weird.
In regards to most of those bad ones, there’s one reason…
3. Les Miles is a grass-eating, voodoo priest.
When Les Miles was hired by LSU, he said funny things. He still says funny things. Most LSU fans are tired of it by now, but that probably has something to do with his luck running out. But for years it was apparent than Les was deep into the dark ways of the Louisiana voodoo movement. The way he won games against Tennessee and at Florida with some of the worst time management and play-calls of all time made it clear that he was sacrificing something for the good of his football team.
Nothing was worse as Auburn fan as the time that grass-eating man appeared to have lost his mind and called a pass play with less than 10 seconds, down 1, only needing a field goal in 2007. It made no sense. The catch, which was perfectly covered, needed it’s own voodoo to make it happen as well. I still get sick at this, but I know that I don’t practice voodoo so I’m a better person for it.
To be honest, I hope this weekend’s game isn’t strange in any way. Given the the way Auburn and LSU’s offenses have performed this season, it probably won’t be. But now that I say that, it will probably be the strangest game to date. The good news is that it appears that Les has given up voodoo and things are a little less scary and a little more normal when it comes to the Bengals from the Bayou.