Updyke Pleads Guilty, Gets Ridiculously Weak Sentence


This afternoon, Harvey Almorn Updyke, Jr. plead guilty to poisoning the Toomer’s Oaks, according to Lee County District Attorney Robbie Treese. Yes, Treese. Technically it was “Criminal Damage to an Agricultural Facility,” a class C Felony. So I guess they are just trees to some people.

The sentence, if you want to call it that, puts Updyke behind bars for three years, but only requires him to serve at least six full months in jail. Oh, and because he’s already spent a little over 100 days, that have been split up over the last 2-and-a-half years, he’s only required to serve around 75 more days. Done laughing yet? There’s a little more.14049982_BG1Once he is released from jail, he will be under supervised probation for a period of five years, where he will have a 7 p.m. curfew, will be forbidden from attending any collegiate athletic event, and banned from any Auburn University property. He will also be unable to talk to the media, which is probably the biggest blow to his unremorseful ego.

But Updyke is not to blame for the plea bargain. According to the full release (via @AUPPL), there are “a significant number of violent felonies awaiting trial in Lee County” and Treese “could not in good conscience justify financing a three week trial merely to arrive at no better a resolution.”

So that’s it? We had to do it now? We’ve been waiting for over two years for justice, and all of a sudden we’re just going to offer something easy to go ahead and get it over with right now? We’ve waited this long. I’d wait another year if it meant more justice. Real justice.

They aren’t just trees. It isn’t just an “agricultural facility.” But this point has been argued for years now. It’s over and we can try to move on and make a new tradition. There is no real closure, but it’s over now. The thing that will really kill Harvey is for Auburn to win football games. Gus will do that, and that’s what we can hope and cheer for.

I hope you meet some nice friends in Lee County jail, Harvey. I hope they love you.